And people do this because, why exactly?

I’ve just been reading a problem page in which a 42-year-old working woman (the same age as me) is causing a great deal of concern to her nearest-and dearest-for these reasons:

1.  She has started hanging out in bars, and – gasp! – possibly having sexual relations with men that she meets there.

2.  She bought a new car – with her own money – without consulting anybody else first.

3.  She sometimes disappears on weekend trips alone, doing goodness knows what.

So, you might ask, what’s the problem?  Surely she can do what she likes – after all, it’s her life, and her money. 

The problem is, she’s married.

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6 comments on “And people do this because, why exactly?

  1. karen1945 says:

    Well, the having sex with other men is not fair, if she’s married, but the rest seems fairly harmless. Is this in Japan?

  2. Petra says:

    So it is only assumed that she could have sex with other men?

    Yes, I would definitely inform those around me about the fact that I am going to buy a new car with my own money – in fact, I would pass that information on with positive glee.

    What’s wrong with the odd weekend alone as long as I tell my other half when I intend to return home again to be greeted with a nice meal and a refreshing bowl of tea?

    (I could never ever survive in Japan, I am afraid…)

  3. Miko says:

    Japan, but I think the issues it raises are fairly universal. I cannot imagine for one minute that any Western husband would tolerate this kind of behaviour from a wife, and not just the sex stuff. Even in the US it would be highly unorthodox for one half of a legally bound couple to make a major financial decision (new house, car, road trip, cat) without informing the other half in advance, right? Speaking for myself, in marriage I wouldn’t want sexual freedom, but I would definitely require the psychological freedom that comes with knowing that I am free to come and go as I please, and can do whatever I like with my own money (meagre though it may be). Not having that kind of freedom would kill me.

    Marriage is utterly horrifying!

  4. karen1945 says:

    It doesn’t have to be, and isn’t always. If I had wanted to buy a new car, I’d have told Ken, not asked, but I’d have taken him along shopping, just because we liked being together.

  5. Miko says:

    Who am I kidding? I can’t even buy new curtains without the cat’s approval.

  6. karen1945 says:

    Well, of course.

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