Teeth not included

Most of my mature students are very old-fashioned in their ways of thinking, and believe that a woman is nothing without a man.  A few of them keep vigorously harassing me to find a husband, criticise me for not trying hard enough, and sometimes even offer to introduce me to promising prospects.  Although I laugh it off in public, in private I find it quite annoying – I already live with two bothersome males, why would I ask for another? – so to make things difficult I’ve laid down a few ground rules:  any potential husband has be to a) elderly b) extremely rich, with no living heirs, and c) suffering from a weak heart and/or high blood pressure (obviously exceptions will be made in the case of anyone named George Clooney, Jon Hamm, or Onassis).  This doesn’t deter my students in the least; they’ve simply offered to take me along to old people’s homes on their day visits to their own parents, so that I can sort through potential suitors.  I find this slightly distressing because I’m already at a stage where I’m supposed to start hunting for a wife for the Sonbeam.  According to recent news reports, young people are now too lazy/passive to find their own marriage partners, and various services have sprung up for desperate parents of unmarried children to get together to exchange photos and other details of their wayward progeny, in the hopes of making a match.  According to one mother who’d travelled a long way to attend a meeting, “My son is already in his forties.  If I don’t find him a wife this time, I’ll give up.”  Well, I’m in my forties, so please give up on me!  I already have.  There’s more to life than marriage, you know.


2 comments on “Teeth not included

  1. karen1945 says:

    Tell them you’re a lesbian. Of course, then they might start introducing you to women, then.

  2. Miko says:

    Yes, or maybe I could form a group to help lesbian mothers find partners for their single adult sons. Now there’s a niche market.

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