Bye bye love


Last month the Hickymeister (my European-fling-who-kept-on-flinging) told me that he wanted to fly over to visit me in Kobe in either late February or late March, depending upon my circumstances.  And … for the umpteenth time … I had to put him off, on the grounds that I’m too busy with work and other stuff.  As usual, he’s hurt, but understanding.  We are both busy people, with lives and careers of our own.  He is a divorced dad of two pre-teens, and I am … Miko, (un)willing servant of  Benbeam.  He’s wealthy and owns a holiday home, which he keeps inviting me to every summer.  I’m not wealthy, and live in council housing.  He dislikes Japan, and I’m not particularly interested in moving to Europe.  He hates cats, but he likes me … a lot!  Sure, I like him back, almost as much as I like cats.

But he really likes me.  And much as I like him, I like my job better.  And my cat, for that matter.

Will I regret this when I turn 80?  Only time will tell.


7 comments on “Bye bye love

  1. Karen says:

    No, you won’t regret it. There are too many minuses to the relationship. You are perfectly content just as you are. You are one of those fortunate women who doesn’t feel she has to be in a “love” relationship with a man to feel complete. That’s a damned good thing. Just keep on keepin’ on. If someone comes along and the circumstances are right, and it suits you both, then so be it. If not, then that’s damned well okay, too.

  2. Miko says:

    Thanks Karen for putting into words exactly how I’ve always privately felt. Yes, I’m not perfect but I am perfectly content the way I am. And no, I’ve never ever felt that I had to be in a love relationship to be a complete women, in fact I regard such relationships as hindrances. I used to try and explain this to people, even as far back as my teens, but was met with so many horrified responses that I stopped bothering. Quite a few of these “horrified” people asked me if I was gay or even worse, a feminist, (not that there’s anything wrong with that!) and I always wanted to answer, “No I’m not gay, just asexual, like plants.” Even to this day it amuses and irritates me the amount of energy that most people expend on finding, catching, and keeping sex partners or marriage partners. If only they could expend that energy on doing something worthwhile! The world would change in a day.

    Still, I am very fond of the Hickeymeister, and I want to keep him around an optional extra. I hope he doesn’t mind.

  3. Karen says:

    “I regard such relationships as hindrances.”

    If it’s the right person, it’s not a hindrance, it’s wonderful support, encouragement, and, sometimes, even consolation. It’s nice to be able to share with someone – share the good and the bad. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a lover, but it’s lovely when it is.

    I agree that too much time is spent trying to find love. That’s because there are too many people who believe that they can’t be complete unless they have a “partner” to validate them. Of course, the one of the strongest human instincts is continuation of the species, so to some degree we are just playing out our biological imperative.

  4. Karen says:

    BTW, if the Hickeymeister looks anything like that photo – well, boy toy comes to mind. Hot, hot, hot.

  5. Miko says:

    He’s hot, he’s rich, he cooks, he likes me … I’ll keep him around (at least until George Clooney finally comes to his senses).

    “It’s nice to be able to share with someone – share the good and the bad. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a lover, but it’s lovely when it is.” I do know how that feels. I have it with the Sonbeam, and to a lesser extent with my friends. But especially with Sonbeam, whom I know is the one person who will always take my side no matter what happens. Despite my many complaints about him, he is someone that I can totally rely upon. He has never let me down. I can count on him.

    I never had that feeling growing up, it’s so nice to experience it now!

    Of course, one day he’ll leave … hopefully George will step into the breach.

  6. Karen says:

    Unless there’s a rift, kids don’t ever truly “leave”. If you’re close now, chances are you will always be close.

  7. Miko says:

    Yes, I’m certain that we will always be close. But I kind of hope he leaves sooner rather than later, along with his little sidekick. Between the two of them, they are sucking me dry!

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