Well don’t touch it then


I had a humiliating experience the other day.  I was was lying on a padded leather table, swathed in fluffy towels, 30 minutes into a 90-minute full-body oil massage, and I was totally in that delicious half-asleep alpha brain wave state … when all of a sudden the usually calm and unflappable Murata-san cried out, “Your bottom!  It’s so cold!”  “What?”  “Your bottom.  It’s freezing.  I’ve never felt anything like it!”  “Oh, sorry …”  “No, no, don’t apologise.”  The massage continued undisturbed, and I drifted off back to sleep, but I felt a little perturbed to learn that my rear end is the coldest that my masseuse has ever felt in 20 years of experience.  It sort of made me wonder about the men in my life … had they also been shocked upon grasping my butt, and said nothing?  If so, they were very wise. 

After the massage, wrapped in a chenille bathrobe and sipping a cup of personally blended herb tea (apparently there’s a blend for “icy butt” and it contains ginger and cinnamon) I asked Murata-san what I could do about the problem.  In a nutshell, she told me that that best way to remedy a cold bottom is … to stop sitting on it so much. 

Not quite what I wanted to hear. 

Anybody else struggling with this terrible issue?  Perhaps we can join forces.


3 comments on “Well don’t touch it then

  1. Petra says:

    I checked my forehead and my butt for temperature – both emit the same pleasing warmth of a healthy body.

    1. Sorry, can’t help you there, Miko

    2. I can continue sitting on my rear end.

  2. Miko says:

    I’m continuing to sit on my rear end, too. It’s like sitting on a squishy ice block.

  3. Karen says:

    I drink a lot of the ginger cinnamon tea, sit on my butt all the time, and have a hot ass. Could be all the fat on mine.

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