Well, I’ve changed my mind (video).

Today at the English cafe I spoke with a new customer “Toyoko,” a radiant and beautifully attired woman in her sixties.  I really enjoyed chatting with her, but I was a bit surprised that she was so forthright and talkative, because Japanese people are usually very reticent until they get to know you better.  When she told me something of her life, I started to understand.  She said that until last year, she had been totally under the thumb of her (now deceased) mother-in-law, and was finally starting to spread her wings and enjoy her life as a free woman.  She had married into a wealthy family, and MIL , being the family matriarch and head of the family business, was extremely strict and kept an iron grip over all of her children and their respective spouses.  She was the kind of woman who would drop in on her daughters-in-law unexpectedly and go through their homes with a fine-tooth comb, even checking inside their closets, and sternly criticising their housekeeping skills.   Oh, nobody was good enough for her sons!   She was a dragon.  Toyoko hated her.

For much of her marriage Toyoko was desperately unhappy, but as she had married against her parents’ wishes (they’d had another young man lined up for her, and were terribly embarrassed when she rejected him) she had no choice but to grin and bear it.  In the meanwhile, she worked alongside her husband, ran a household, and raised three children almost singlehandedly, all of whom went on to become very successful in their chosen professions.  Along the way she also experienced various other hardships, such as a bout with breast cancer and the destruction of the family business in the earthquake.  None of it defeated her. 

Now Toyoko is footloose and fancy free, and she doesn’t care who knows it!  She’s greatly looking forward to the birth of her first grandchild this Spring.  She’s also taking ballroom dancing and English lessons, and is planning to go on a dance cruise with her husband later this year.

I’m fascinated with women like her.  I think that they made Japan what it is today.  I really liked chatting with her, and hope she visits us again next week.

A few days ago my job took me to the vicinity of one of the most famous temples in this part of Japan, Nakayama-dera.   The bodhisattva (god) of Nakayama is dedicated to mothers, and virtually every mother I know has been there at least once, if not more.  This temple is most frequently visited by expectant mothers in the fifth month of pregnancy who pray for a safe and easy delivery, usually accompanied by close female relatives.  They receive a blessing from the priest, and buy a special sash to wrap around the stomach.   This ceremony is strongly associated with dogs, because it is believed that dogs experience easy births (why not rabbits, I wonder?).  I’ve been to Nakayama Temple several times in the past, mostly because of nearby work assignments, and once I made a special trip to pray for the Sonbeam’s exam results.  It’s located in a beautiful mountainside city, and I always look forward to going there. 

Pregnancy and childbirth customs are so interesting, aren’t they?  Some of the Japanese ones really surprise me.

Police on parade.  What do you think of their nifty little bikes?  (By the way, those are the lucky ones.  The ones in my prefecture aren’t nearly so well-equipped.)

Future man.

Somebody asks: is it true that in Japan, the iPhone shutter sound cannot be switched off?  Yes, it’s true.  And it’s not just the iPhone, it’s all phones in Japan with camera function.  Whenever you use one to take a photo, there’s a loud and audible clicking sound, exactly like a camera shutter.  One of the commenters remarks that “it’s kind of amazing how Japanese perverts …. are affecting design, making normal people’s lives less convenient.”  I’m sure the perverts will find a way around it though, they seem to be a resourceful bunch.

Um, no thanks.  Crikey, the next thing you know, this desperate village will begin importing foreign brides or something.  What a bunch of losers.

Recently the girl-who-won’t-eat started to take private English lessons with me at her home, ostensibly to prepare for her forthcoming trip to London.  I was surprised when she first made the request through her long-suffering mother, and none too pleased about it at first, but I’ve since come to like her very much.  She’s basically a sweet, funny, shy young lady who would probably have done much better in life if she hadn’t grown up in the shadow of an over-achieving sibling (not that I’ll ever know how that feels, tee hee!), and plus I could really use the money, which is excellent. 

At our last lesson, I artfully brought the subject around to my favourite topic: food, and specifically sweets, as the girl has vague dreams of moving to Kyoto and becoming a confectioner.  I asked if she would explain about Japanese sweets – wagashi – to me.  To my surprise she went one further, and promised to buy me some Kyoto sweets for our next lesson.  “Let’s eat them together, with matcha.”  Then to my greater surprise, she called her mother into the room and asked her to join us for the forthcoming tea party.  Mum was so gobsmacked she could barely speak; I have never seen a woman look so euphorically happy, surprised and relieved in my entire life.  The two exchanged glances, and in an instant, I knew that some longstanding issue had somehow been resolved between them.  I am so looking forward to the next “lesson” with mother and daughter (although I wonder, who is teaching whom, and about what?). 

Goodness, don’t you think that mother-daughter relations are complicated?  I honestly cannot imagine a similar scenario in my home.  I’m just pleased if he acknowledges my presence, let alone agrees to have a cup of tea with me.

I sure am, it’s done nothing but piss down with rain for the past week.  Still, things could be worse.

I was amazed and deeply touched to read of the life and background of singer-songwriter Angela Aki. I knew that she grew up in rural Japan, but I had no idea that things had been so hard for her and her family.  She’s done well, all right!